Are You Holding Your Kids Back?

by Joanne on April 19, 2013

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Are You Holding Your Kids Back?

By: Joanne Chantigny

A few weeks ago, I caught myself holding my 7 year old boy back from an incredible experience.

What was I thinking?

My boy was invited to a Birthday Party at our local Rock Climbing Gym.  As any parent would, I went in to the facility to talk to the other moms and check out what they would be doing.

Now, I have to be honest with you, these were the instant thoughts that ran through my head:
These people are seriously going to strap my kid in a harness and allow him to climb over 20 feet in the air?
Oh my goodness, I don’t think he can do this.
He’ll be so scared.
He is so little.
This kind of thing is for grown-ups.

The motherly instincts TOTALLY kicked in!

My boy came running to me so excited saying “Mom, Mom, look what we get to do! I’m so excited!”.   So I asked him, “Are you sure you want to do this? That’s pretty high ……” 
I stopped mid-sentence when I saw the look on his face.  I could imagine his thoughts at that moment and the disbelief of how I could ask him such a question.

His sassy response with the rolling of his eyes was “YEAH Easy!  Piece of Cake”.

My heart melted.  How did he grow up so fast?  My only choice for a response was “YES, you can do this, have FUN”.

As I was watching him for a few minutes, I reflected on my childhood being active in sports and trying new things.
I played Female Hockey for many years. 
Often before games, my mom would say “Be careful, don’t get hurt, and watch out for girls that are bigger than you”. 
Her motherly instincts I guess.

Then my Dad would put his hand on my shoulder and say “GO GET EM!  Play hard!  Go in those corners!  Dig for the puck!  Score a goal!  Don’t be afraid of those girls!  We’ll be cheering you on and most importantly, have FUN!”.

Whether you are a child or an adult, having both the support and independence to try new things is important.

With my own children, I find myself being nurturing and supportive but also encourage that independence to learn and experience new things on their own.

My boy was going to be trying a new challenge.  My thoughts and my words could have easily held him back. 

This was not about me, and ALL about him. 

I had to be there to offer support, a helping hand and a hug if needed.
AND
Be there to encourage, tell him he can do this and well, just Let Go!

In my Business Coaching Program, we often talk about “Getting Out of Your Comfort Zone”.  This could include starting a new business, learning a new technique or even talking to a customer.  As a coach, I am there to offer a helping hand, support, inspire and encourage them that they can achieve great things on their own.

Do you see a pattern here?  While raising a family or working a business, the pattern is similar.

Your child is still growing and learning and in fact, so are you.  When we experience new things that may seem out of our comfort zone, we grow.  Our comfort zone grows bigger as well.  

Next time your child wants to try something new and you may have the same thoughts that I did, just remember,  “This is not about you and ALL about them”.

With Love,

Joanne Chantigny

 

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{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }

Amy April 19, 2013 at 1:19 pm

Great post! This is so true! We learn so much from our kids.

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Joanne May 15, 2013 at 1:06 am

Thank you Amy!

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kay white April 19, 2013 at 3:22 pm

good job jo! i love reading ur page and keep up the great work and im sooo proud of u ! ur a awesome coach and a great friend! love u! xxoooo ur page when i was reading is sooo very true and brought me back to when this happened to my boy has well and its only normal like u said to be a mom!

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Joanne May 15, 2013 at 1:08 am

Thank you so much Kay!

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Bryce April 19, 2013 at 11:25 pm

Great post!! Let our kids be free of mind.

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Joanne May 15, 2013 at 1:09 am

Thank you Bryce!

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Anne April 21, 2013 at 6:05 pm

Great post Joanne. As parents we should be encouraging and showing confidence in our children to fly into the world and out of our nest. Some days and experiences are definitely easier than others.

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Joanne May 15, 2013 at 1:09 am

Thank you Anne!

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Kristin Higgins April 28, 2013 at 1:31 pm

Amen! We have to tell our kids to Go! Try! Be your best! You can do it! With God nothing is impossible! Thanks for writing and reminding!

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Joanne May 15, 2013 at 1:09 am

Thank you Kristin!

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Chelsea April 29, 2013 at 4:09 pm

I’m constantly learning from my Gremlins everyday! Makes me giggle when I have a “duh” moment when they correct me or say something unexpected 🙂

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Joanne May 15, 2013 at 1:12 am

Great point Chelsea!!

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